Of FAITH and BELIEF

Growing in a predominant CATHOLIC country the question of FAITH shouldn't be at question, but growing up I have so many unanswered question that leave my FAITH up in hanging.

I even remember a college friend whom a devout BORN AGAIN CHRISTIAN whom I presented all my questions and in the end tag me that I’m going to HELL, too much for an inquiry I guess.  I try to mingle at my brother and sister in faith, but I guess being who I am and what I am is a sure ticket to their judgment.  My GUIDANCE COUNSELOR in a CHRISTIAN school where I finish my OJT told me that I’m lucky the head accepted me knowing I was gay and they are a CATHOLIC SCHOOL.  My mom’s friend encourages me to serve our CHURCH, in the end they ask me to be a man as a requirement to serve the HOUSE of GOD.  They also didn't accept my sister who’s separated to her husband.  Well I guess the hell would be a CROWDED place for people like me and those couples who are separated, HELL would be like the OSCARS with so many celebrities there.

When I get to THAILAND and learn about BUDDHISM and their belief of GOOD & EVIL, I found no judgment there, as long as you live a good and straight life, you have your ticket to HEAVEN or BUDDHA heaven or EUPHORIA (I’m not so sure now…).  For me it’s a good FAITH as this is certainly what I follow, doing good to myself and to others, as long as I’m not hurting or causing affliction to others I will find salvation.

FOREIGNERS in THAILAND also introduce me to AGNOSTIC, its BELIEF that there’s no certain FAITH or GOD, but living through what you think was right.  It’s kinda like BUDDHISM but no BUDDHA.  I thought it’s a perfect FAITH or BELIEF knowing you just gotta live on your own, assuming you’ll be responsible on all your actions.

I did get home after that TRIP with a new found BELIEF, I did stay on for a few months, but it’s a weird thing that I got sick two month before the year end.  I did remember this things happening every time I question my FAITH, I will get sick and make me pray my way back to my old FAITH then I will get better.  Maybe it’s a sign from GOD asking me to go back, like that SHEEP who lost his way then get killed to be offered to GOD, oh I think that’s two different story.

I did try to fight back and stay on my BELIEF, but I’m getting worse, then I give up and send a prayer, not instantly but I did get better.

Writing this I’m back to my old FAITH but with a different BELIEF, I’m a CATHOLIC but with my own rules, kinda like mixing the two other BELIEF I gain putting it all together to be a better me.  The BELIEF of GOOD and BAD, that everything you do will return back to you the way to do it, you did good you gain good and do bad then bad will happen to you.  Live on your own but be responsible to your actions.  And stay away from those devoutly who think they have the key to heaven and their judgement.

I would admit to not attending a MASS but going to CHURCH to send a prayer once a week, I do my NOVENA every start of the year praying for GOOD HEALTH for me and the rest of my family, I pray the rosary and begin and end the day with a THANK YOU prayer.  For that I think my FAITH is enriched and my BELIEF is vindicated, like I said I go by my rules, oh and never forget to LOVE YOUR KAPWA…